I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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