This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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