$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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