we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
