Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
