Porn is love you can see.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
