i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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