Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
