Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
