The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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