xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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