dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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