She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
