Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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