dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
