guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
