remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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