ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
