dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
