just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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