This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
