Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
