i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
