Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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