u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
