I think im going to throw up on grandma
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
