my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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