im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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