Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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