I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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