I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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