Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hippo gnu deer
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
