I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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