Pappa wants mamma naked
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sorry about my life...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
