My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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