the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
