she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"