we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?