So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
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I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...