hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm