hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
accomplished twins. life is a go
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.