He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do