i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015