i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
false alarm, still single
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
