wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
