if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
