when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
