Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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