he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
