it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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