That's when you crack a 10am beer
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
