I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
NoShamevember. You game?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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