If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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