I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
