She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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