Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
