i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
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He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
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Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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