I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
