you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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