Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
