So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
