My friends, they love my intelligence
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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