I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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