I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shattered a urinal.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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