Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
