Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
