Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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